First post

This is my journey. This is about me and my quest to tackle my emotional demons to lose weight and get healthy. This is about me finding out who I am and realizing that I’m not so bad. About how I found my way to loving myself, something I never thought was possible. I will write about my life and how I struggle and triumph and live.

When I started, I had no idea how much weight loss had to do with your emotional well being. I had no idea how much of the extra weight I carried, had so much pain and self loathing attached to those pounds. I mean I thought if I lose weight, then I will be happy...who doesn’t think that?

But in my journey it has been so much more then losing weight and *poof* then you become happy. It doesn’t happen that way. Once you reach that goal or get close, happiness doesn't just happen. You have to work on those emotional issues that you tried so hard to hide by eating. I always said that 'I just liked to eat; I loved food and life was too short to diet'. I was never going to do those crash diets, just to lose weight for a while and then gain it back. I had no interest and thought I was as happy as I could be. Fat or not. At the time I hadn't realized how I was eating as a way of pushing down emotions I was too weak to deal with. It seems so clear to me now but then I was so oblivious.

Emotional eating doesn't even really make sense to my healthy emotional mind. When I emotionally eat or go on an emotional food episode, I am miserable. Before, maybe not during, but especially after. If you are upset or bored and you eat to "deal" with those feelings, you don't feel any better. So why do we run to eating to feel better?

Anyway this will be the place that I come to sort through my feelings, and share my thoughts. I will share when I succeed at a goal or when I fall flat on my face. My life has always been a pretty open book so why not blog about it :)