Wk 1, day 2 - Running half asleep

With day one of training under my belt, this morning I was on to day two. Day one was easy, 30-40 minutes cross training, which for me is my one-hour Monday night Zumba class. It always leaves me sweaty, happy and ends the day in a way that makes whatever happened before not seem so bad. This morning was the first scheduled training run. As my alarm went off at 5:45am I almost went into automatic “change the alarm to 6:45am instead” mode as so often happens when I try and get up early to workout. It’s funny because I always used to workout in the morning when I was with the ex. Working out at night just didn’t happen because of worries of getting in the way in the living room or him convincing me I didn’t really need to or last minute plans that I would let get in the way. I always worked out in the mornings, always. Now that my time is all mine, I workout mostly at night. It makes the nights after work not feel so lonely. I’m more conscious of why I’m working out and can tend to get out any aggression I may need working out from my day or my life. I have more time for longer workouts if I do it at night. I have come to sleep more and more and trying to get up earlier then I really have to, seems to be a real chore. Anyways I knew I had stuff I had to do tonight after work and this was going to have to be a morning run.

I sleepily turned the alarm off and made way to get ready to run. I was half asleep the whole time, walking back and forth trying to find what I needed.
Long hair pulled back into a pony tail, bondiband on holding bangs back.
Clothes on, chest strap for my Garmin…wait where is the cloth adjustable part?
I could find the hard piece with the actual thing that detects your heart rate but not the stretchy adjustable part that fits around your torso. At this point I’m walking back and forth in my apartment, trying to find something I haven’t used in weeks. Finally in my half asleep brain it dawns on me that I don’t need it to use the Garmin to track how long I’m running in minutes and the distance I’ve gone.
Good enough.
Socks, shoes and mp3 player on. Then on to my new hand held water bottle. Where’s the dang lid?
I then rummage through my dish strainer to find it. Fill up the water bottle and spill a bunch on the floor trying to get the top screwed on. Get my keys into the pouch on the water bottle and I’m ready to run.

The getting ready process was much more complicated then it needed to be. I will get my stuff ready the night before so my half-asleep brain doesn’t have to think so hard next time. The run itself was good. It was warm and muggy already but I kept a slow pace and it was really good. 3 slow miles in 37 minutes. I walked a bit to cool down and then back home to stretch, shower and get on with my day. During the run I realized I really need to make a playlist. My mp3 player selects from all the songs on there and I have it so it randomizes it. It's nice to be surprised but when its a bunch of slow songs, it takes more effort then I care to give to skip until I find a suitable running song. So next task, make a running play list.

Anywho...2 days down, 82 more to go :)

Half-Marathon training...WK 1 Day 1

This week marks the start of the half-marathon for me and like I said last week I’m uber excited. Right now with all the stuff going on in my life I feel like I need this large goal to keep me going on a path that I know I should be on anyways and that will lead me to an accomplishment that will leave me prouder then I can imagine I could be. I think doing it this time on my own I really will be pushing myself, motivating myself, and proving to myself that I can do this too. I think I have proved to myself that I can withstand a lot more then I ever gave myself credit for but sometimes I doubt I have the drive to do things by choice. I know I can do it when pushed but what about when I’m the one doing the pushing?

I like to find quotes that speak to me. I love poetry and if I can find someone else’s words that say just what I’m feeling, I love reading and rereading finding my own meaning in it. Last week I was having a particularly rough start to the week. I was looking for something to lift my spirits and kind of get me mentally prepared to start training. I found this one…“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” -Charles Darwin

I learned in the last year that I can adapt to change rather well. Going back to school at 28 was a challenge on its own, but once my life fell down around me and I had to deal with my school work, my divorce and then my dad’s accident I learned rather quickly that I do what I have to to get things done. I know that life goes on without you and you have a choice. You can let it drag you behind it or you can get up, walk beside it and keep going. Sometimes life sucks but you have to find the power and strength inside you to keep going. And sometimes that is all you can do, just keep going. Eventually, if you let yourself, you can even thrive in the new life you helped create around you. It’s been a terribly long journey and I have had days that I can’t be so sure about that but I know deep inside if I just keep going, it will get better. I also know that in my life there will be more times that will suck, that will challenge the strength I have, and make me want to crumble under the pressure. But I know as long as I just have to keep going, keep learning the lessons that are there to learn, deal with what I have to deal with, I will come out the other side. You just take it. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second. Whatever it takes, you just keep going. And I can’t help but use those lessons for the half-marathon. I know that some days it will suck. Some days I won’t want to run. Sometimes I won’t want to go that extra mile. Some days my legs will hurt, my knees may ache, my heart just not in it. Hell I ran the entire race last year with my heart not in it. But I’m so much stronger then any circumstance in my life. I will succeed because I will keep going.

I found this other quote “Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” I choose to grow. I don’t see any other way of living. I want a happy, full life. I will not be a victim of my circumstance. I will grow and thrive and be the best version of myself I can be. Things in your life will always change. Sometimes good, sometimes bad and devastating but we always have the choice. Grow or stay stagnant and angry and blame everyone else around you. This short girl is deciding to grow tall and beautiful in spite of those changes life throws at me. How about you?

Half Marathon, you say?

Next Monday officially starts my half marathon training. I’m pretty excited about it actually. To be back on a dedicated schedule working toward something so big, I think it will help take my mind off some of the other things that have been bothering me. Besides I can sort out some serious baggage on those long runs! It will be nice to see those miles add up toward something, to feel my body getting stronger and faster and better, to have all that time to myself. It just amazes me to have this huge goal in mind and know that I have the capability to achieve it, know that I have done it before. And this time all by myself; just me, my feet, and my forerunner leading the way. I feel lucky and fortunate to have set such a lofty goal and know I have the physical ability to do it. There are so many people out there that just live their stagnant lives and never dream to do something so much more then themselves. They are content with each day passing by, just to get to the next and never really living their lives. Not that you have to run a half marathon to live but you get what I’m saying. I feel so lucky to be a dreamer and know that I can and will do whatever it is my heart desires.

I feel like this is all another way to show myself how much I love myself. I’m showing myself that I can do anything I want. All I have to do is want it and work hard for it. I’m doing this one not because my friend wants me to run it with her (although I love you Sara for getting me in it last time and sparking a love affair that will out last any others) but because I love myself enough to show it in such a tangible way. Because I can take care of myself and dedicate myself to this. Because I want to see if I’m the only one pushing me, just how far I can go. Because I’m worth the hard work and dedication. If I didn’t want more for my life and better for myself, I wouldn’t push myself to go farther. This time I’m doing it because the last one was such an emotional blur that I want to really feel this one. The pride, the pain, the sweat, the joy…all of it. I want to run that race because I’m proud, happy and thriving. Not because my broken heart just won’t give up. It was a beautiful testament to myself then and I’m glad I fought through and finished. But this time will be different because I am such a different person.

I learned so much about myself training for this last year and I have no doubts I will learn so much more. It’s going to be long and hard and awesome all at the same time. And I’m so ready to start!

Wedding Season

I guess I still believe in love. I believe in happily ever after and that sometimes you can be lucky enough to find that person that was just made for you. But I don't know that I buy that there is going to be a happily ever after for me. I know regardless I will be happy in my life and what I do but I don't know that I will ever find someone who is going to love me like I deserve to be loved. Whatever that is just something I will have to workout within myself.

Tomorrow I get to watch one of my very best friends get married to a man she loves more then anything. I have told her that she is one of the only reasons I believe there is true love out there. And her finding hers after all the crap she's gone through does give me hope that maybe...just maybe I could find it too. It's funny because you would think that I would be against marriage now, but I'm not. There are people that belong together and I'm more then happy for them that they have that happiness. Maybe a little jealous but so happy for them. I just don't think it will ever be for me, ever again. I suppose once you had your chance and couldn't get it to work that is all I get. And I'm alright with that.

Anyways hope that if you find yourself in wedding season and newly divorced, you can find happiness for the new couple. Not everyone's story has to end the same way yours did. God I hope not anyways :) To all those happy couples that are starting their forevers...work hard and love that person with everything you got.