Welcome to my blog!

I am Buffy, I live in Iowa with my kitty cat Meowshine and stay rather busy trying to be healthy, eating right, working out, working my full-time job and running my own custom jewelry business on the side. Thanks for coming along for the ride :)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

What do you want from me?

It’s kind of a funny question, what are you looking for in another person? Now that I’m actively trying to date it is something I have thought a lot about. I try to stay positive and look for the qualities I want verses the ones I don’t want. But it is so much easier for me to come up with things I don’t want from the lessons I learned when I was married. Things I know that are important and things I’m just not willing to settle for. It’s an interesting position to be in really. The last time I dated was in high school, and you seemed to stumble upon your next person, there wasn’t much thought behind it. Now that I have lived a little and have seen so much more, I can make a knowledgeable decision in the guy I choose to spend my time with. Instead of stumbling into love, I can have more of an active part in this whole process and pick a better person to give my love to.

So what do I want?

Some sweet, caring, adorable guy to spend some of my awesome life with. A guy that is genuinely interested in spending time with me because I’m fun and funny and interesting to talk to. A guy that has some of the same interests as me and makes me laugh. A guy that I can share things with and will show me new and interesting things that he likes to do. Someone who has his own life that I’m just adding to. Someone who is honest and faithful and treats me like I matter. I want to find that guy that somehow we were made for each other because we compliment each other so well. Doesn’t seem to me that I’m asking for something impossible.
And in the end it boils down to…all I want is someone who is nothing like the ex.

But how to do you say all that without bringing up the a-hole and pretending like all your baggage is gone. How do you say that and still sound like an emotionally healthy person who wants someone as emotionally healthy as you are? I’m not interested in showing someone else that there are good people left in the world. I’m not interested in fixing what someone else broke or making up for something the person before me did. I’m not going to be the girl that can make it all better. I cannot take on that responsibility and I refuse to. I have done too much hard work on myself to now have to pick up someone else’s pieces. I know that no one else is perfect (and I’m not either) and I also know that the past leaves scars that will always be there. But there is a big difference in learning from your past hurts and moving on then living with them and dwelling in them. Call me picky but there are just things I’m not interested in wasting my time with. I’m well aware that you can’t change someone else and I don’t want someone I feel like I would have to. That means they aren’t your person and I want my person. And for the first time I feel like I’m really ready to see if I can find him.

So as I step into the dating world and try on different guys to see which one will fit me and my life, I’m staying a step behind and evaluating the people and situations as objectively as I can. Maybe the perfect guy for me won’t require that and it will be all over as soon as we meet but until then I’m going to keep going. All I know is my life is too amazing to settle from crap ever again.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Single, eh?

Just because you're single and I'm single, that does not mean we should date. I wish my well meaning friends figured this out.
I had this conversation with a friend of mine that ran a race with me this weekend. Being single for the first time since I was in high school, there is a lot I'm figuring out along the way and this is one. People tend to view single people as less than, that they are missing out, some of them feel it is their duty to fix up their single friends with other single friends. Just because they are single, no other criteria needed.

For me after spending 10 years of my life in the relationship that I was in, there is no way I will ever be with someone just so I'm not alone. That thought never crossed my mind while I was married but I wonder if that had something to do with why I stuck in there so long. But future me, I want to be with someone I have something in common with, who is awesome and I like spending time with. Who is the best person I know, who has my back and I can be myself with. I have my certain likes and dislikes and those aren't taken into account. And if they are, they are very baseline (like oh you are a guy and like to run but we have nothing else in common).

I just feel like if people are going to try and do their match making on me that they actually consider who I am and what kind of guy would fit into my life. Here's an idea, maybe ask me what I want? I appreciate the sentiment but seriously. And it isn't like I asked either so I don't know why all of a sudden it has been a thing. I had this conversation not too long ago with my mom when she had the perfect guy for me. I asked her why he was perfect for me? She said well he's single and I stopped her. I said that is great and definitely the baseline for what I want (I got rid of one cheater, who needs another one?) but if that is all we have in common then I'm not going for that. Sorry if that makes me picky and makes me apt to be single forever, but I suppose that is the risk I'm willing to take.

I think for me I'm not willing to waste my time in a bad unfulfilling relationship ever again. It is a tricky thing because you have to be open but still have standards. You have to know what you want but be flexible. You have to get to know someone but still be able to see any red flags and proceed with caution. Or know when to call a red flag a fire and run the other way (which is sometimes easier but sometimes it can be hard). I suppose a lot of it comes down to going with your gut and hoping it doesn't guide you wrong. I hope I'm smart enough to truly listen to it and not let myself get distracted enough not to see it. I'll be cautious but hopeful. I hope I can do the relationship thing again but I suppose only time will tell. And I guess maybe all this comes down to my fear of not being able to trust myself still. That was a big one after the divorce, how could I not see that coming, how could I have picked someone who could do that, how could I have stuck it out for so long? How could I trust myself to pick someone better? I'm still scared that I can't trust myself but I hope that I have learned enough to choose different. But I have to try to see if I did...

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

More randomness, inspired by another random blog

I just wrote on my other blog on Sparkpeople a blog with a title "Randomness, because I'm feeling random".
Which got me thinking about something entirely different.
I do feel random lately.
Like my mind is always going a million miles a minute, trying to make sure I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing and being all the places I need to be. I feel like I'm pulled into all kinds of directions and that sometimes I don't know which end it up. All my roles in life have me in so many different directions...but I love it. I may not be a wife or even a girlfriend but I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a Godmother, a student, and a friend (just to name a few). I'm doing the things I love, like spending time with my nieces and nephews, run, Zumba, or hang out with my friends. I do the things I'm supposed to do like homework and my service learning project. I don't have much free time to watch TV or relax much but I'm doing all the important things in life and enjoying it. Even when I'm stressed and wanna pull my hair out :)
I guess my point to all this is my life is full. I'm lucky to have the things I do and the people in my life I do. I have chosen to spend my precious time with people who are amazing and have my best interest at heart. I do the things I love and even the stuff I don't love (homework!) I get an enjoyment out of doing a good job and being the best person I can be. Just because I'm quickly approaching 30 and am divorced with no new boyfriend, that doesn't mean that my life is less than or not full or that my life is sad. I have moments and some emotions to deal with but over all my life is amazing. I focus on the good and positive and let the rest heal in the time it needs to heal in. One day I will be all healed up and maybe even in a relationship again but for now I'm completely content being me and all my other randomness.