Monday, April 1, 2013
The last few months I have been feeling rather lost, like I was searching and searching for myself and I could not find her anywhere. I remembered the glimmer of who I was and what I wanted to be but could not seem to find her anywhere. Where the hell did she go? The more I searched, the more lost I felt. I could not seem to grasp why I was so unhappy and why I felt so lost. It seemed to sudden and was so confusing. I fell into that trap…the ‘once (fill in the blank) happens then I’ll be happy’ trap and it’s a bitch to get out of. Mine was… ‘Once I graduate’ ‘Find a job’ ‘Move away’ ‘Hit my goal weight’…just to name a few. I wasn’t focused on the here, the now. I wasn’t focused on what made me happy with my life as it was. I was always looking to the future and when I got to a certain place and then I’d finally be happy. After graduation, I found myself severely let down and here I was waiting for my life to start. Waiting for (fill in the blank) to happen. And I was beyond annoyed with myself. I suppose that is what happens when you’re purposeful in your life. When you take the time to figure out where you are going, where you want to be and when you want your life to go fantastic places. At least I had figured out a long time ago that waiting on someone else to make you happy was the quickest way to be miserable. I knew that I had to be happy with myself to be happy with anyone else and I’m thankful I learned that lesson because I don’t think I could be as happy as I am now in my current relationship. That and he is totally awesome…that sure helps :) Anyway, I digress. I think you also have to realize that you have to be happy where you are right now in your life and when the other stuff finally happens you can be happy there too. It makes sense now that I realized it. At the time though it was a downward spiral I had no way out of. Its part of appreciating what you have and not always looking to the things you want. I mean it’s good to have goals and to work toward something but that can’t be the only key to your happiness either. One other important part I’m starting to realize is you can’t compare your journey with anyone else’s. You have to be willing to love your life how it is, not how you think it should be. On the outside maybe people would not define my life as a success up until this point because I’m 31, just graduated from school, looking to start over in a career, being divorce, renting an apartment and still finding my way. It starts to mess with your head when you see your peers at different points in their lives. But the truth is I’m just as happy in my life and maybe even more then some of my friends are that own their houses, have careers and are married with babies. Those are not the only markers to success. A lot of times you are made to believe that but it is not true. I’m brave enough to start over when I found my life miserable. I love myself enough to want to be happy and grow in a positive direction. I have a life that I am proud of and I will continue to be proud with whatever steps I take to make my life all I know it can be. I won’t be afraid because of what others think or be discouraged by what they say. This is my life and I decide what makes me happy. So the moral of this story is this is YOUR life and your story. Not anyone else's. You have to live your life for you and do what you know will make you happy. You have to appreciate what you have while you have it. Grow and change and become the person you want to be but don’t lose sight of what is in your life right now and the parts of you that will always remain. You are not a failure if you keep trying. And it’s never too late to start over again. Don’t be afraid to do what it takes to reach your goals and dreams. You can’t be too afraid to try because you’ll always regret it. Be a person the child version of you would be proud of. We are all works in progress but that is the most important, that you are progressing. No one wants to stand still. If in 10 years you are at the same point in your life you’d be so pissed. I know I would. Don’t compare your life to someone else's. So go do all those things you were too afraid to do. You only have today, this moment, so make it count.