Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Ok this underlying yuckiness has got to get the hell out. I have so much to be happy about yet I have this little voice in my head making me feel down and it has to stop. Today, I’m telling that bitch to GTFO I’m sorry but I can’t have her constantly telling me that I shouldn’t be proud, that I suck, that I’m gonna mess everything up, that I’m not good enough. Just because she is afraid of succeeding, doesn’t mean I am. Just because she hates taking risks and tries to tell me I shouldn’t risk anything either, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna listen. Doesn’t she know I stopped listening to her a long time ago? Doesn’t she know how strong I am and I do what I want? Doesn’t she know that she has no power over me? Stupid bitch. The thing is she doesn’t care about any of that. She is a relentless whore who just keeps trying to chip away at my confidence. I used to let her get the best of me but I don’t any more. She just caught me at a weak moment so she almost slipped back in but I’m too tough for that crap. See what I’m saying, she’s dumb. Like I said, I have so much to be happy about. I’m graduating with my bachelor’s degree, I’m interviewing for jobs (had an interview with a job I really REALLY want yesterday), my one year anniversary in Friday with the best boyfriend in the entire world, I’m getting ready to go on a super fun trip, and I just have the best people in my life. I can’t let her negative voice get my feeling anything but excited and happy about all of that. I guess it is all about rebuilding me and some times I slide back into a person I wasn’t proud to be. It’s all an ongoing process. So this is what I’m doing to shut her up… I’m going to focus on all the great things in my life, remind myself of what I have to be thankful for. I’m going to focus on the things I do have control over and fix the things I can. I’m going to do what I can with what I have and that’s it. I’m going to let myself feel happy and proud of what I have accomplished over these last two and a half years. I can’t focus on the bad that has happened and I won’t let that take away from what I did. What I did, all on my own, in spite of that crap. So here is to celebrating an awesome year. One that I can be proud of and that I got to see so many of my dreams come true. Hopefully in 2013 all kinds of good things will come!