Pages

Welcome to my blog!

I am Buffy, I live in Iowa with my kitty cat Meowshine and stay rather busy trying to be healthy, eating right, working out, working my full-time job and running my own custom jewelry business on the side. Thanks for coming along for the ride :)



Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Stronger, better, smarter

Sometimes you feel like crap and there is no getting around it. Sometimes you don’t feel cheery and full of freaking sunshine. Sometimes life gives you rotten sour ass lemons that just make rotten sour ass lemonade. It happens and feeling it is ok. People can’t feel 100% positive and sunny all the time. You can try and make yourself (and trust me some days I know I have to) but even the eternal optimist has problems finding that inner happiness ALL the time. Sometimes you have to feel the bad stuff and process the feeling, validate that you feel that way and get it out of you. Sometimes there isn’t a way around it. BUT then you move on.

Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes the feelings you have about said sucky life…well sucks. You can choose to dwell on the suckyness or you can choose to feel it, process it and then move on. You can continue to focus on the suck, let it rule your life and your mood or you can move on and focus on the not so sucky stuff. There is always not so sucky stuff you can find. It may be small and you may have to hunt for it, but trust me its there. Even if it is just waking up and being alive, that is something to be thankful for.

I was thinking about this on the walk to work this morning. I was thinking about how sometimes life just sucks and I have had many a moment in the last few months that I felt that way. I thought about how during the last few months especially, I have made a real effort to allow myself to feel whatever it is I’m feeling. Happy, sad, lonely, excited, whatever. I don’t try and not feel the bad because it is there for a reason. If you push it away and not acknowledge the feeling, it’s going to come back. And when it comes back it is usually stronger and suckier then it would have been if you dealt with it before. And I think it has helped me feel as good as I do now. And the big difference is you have to then move on. I can sit here and go on and on how getting divorced sucks and how little I think of my ex because of what he did and wah wah wah. I can go on and on about a less then perfect childhood and how much it messed me up. I can go on and on about losing people I loved more then anything and how much I hate that they are gone and I have to go on without them. But what good is that going to do me? Why would I want to be miserable my whole life and just think about the ugliness? Why focus on things I no longer have any control over, instead of the things I do. Like my attitude, the people I surround myself with, the activities I do instead of moping, or ways to deal with the stress I don’t have control over.

I guess I was thinking about it in respect to all the crap that has happened and how I can possibly be hopeful and happy for my future. I was thinking about someone I know that only focuses on the bad and negative and how sad I am for them. How I wish I could tell them life doesn’t have to be that way and instead of focusing on the people who did you wrong, why not focus on the ones that are still around and love you. But I suppose that is another blog for another day. Sorry back to the original point…isn’t that how we learn, from our past experiences though? Unfortunately my past experiences say people suck and will screw you over and let you down. But how lonely of a life would that be if I just assume everyone is like that. Aren’t I doing a better service to my future and my happiness by learning what fault I had in the situation, learning the lessons there to learn and moving on smarter and stronger then before? Isn’t it better to acknowledge that I picked to marry a guy that was very immature and selfish and that is was so wrong thinking he would grow up into an adult? I guess some would say that expecting someone to become an adult isn’t asking a lot (and I didn’t think so either) but isn’t it more important to learn the lesson that you cannot change people and you should be ok with them for who they are NOW not what they could/should/promised to be later? Isn’t it better to learn that what you see is what you get and to be more honest with myself in any future relationship? Isn’t it better to see what the relationship really was and to accept the responsibility I had for what it was? Not just push all the blame and not learn anything?

I guess some might call me foolish but I still believe the best in people. Ok yeah there are certain people that I know are just bad but why would I want to assume that of everyone. Isn’t it better to believe that people are good until they prove you wrong? Aren’t there more people that are really good inside then bad? I have to believe that is true. I still believe that there is a guy out there that is going to love and cherish me and not break my heart. I know now what it is like to be in a crummy relationship and what I want in the future. I know what I contributed and the bad I brought and I hope in the future I will be a better girlfriend because of it. I still believe that no matter what life throws at me I am strong enough to withstand it, I know that now.

Ok to recap…life sucks sometimes but it is also really good at other times. You have to accept the suck for what it is, feel it and move on. You will be stronger and smarter if you learn your lessons and move on. This is me moving on

No comments:

Post a Comment