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I am Buffy, I live in Iowa with my kitty cat Meowshine and stay rather busy trying to be healthy, eating right, working out, working my full-time job and running my own custom jewelry business on the side. Thanks for coming along for the ride :)



Wednesday, October 24, 2012

New revelation

I have been researching how to get my worrying under control which led me to a word that kept coming up and I never thought as a description for me…Anxiety. I mean it makes sense but I never thought of it that way and now a lot of my feelings and how I deal with them makes so much more sense. I found an article that is supposed to help you deal with the anxiety and constant worry and I think it might help. One of the things I have been focusing on is writing down my worries that way they aren’t just floating around in my head and popping up over and over again. If I had a concrete list that would make it visible what I’m so worried about and help me to figure out where that worry is coming from. You know, the real root cause of it. Also this helps me to figure out how to deal with it. Is there an actual solution to stop the worry or am I just worrying about something that may or may not ever happen. Like worrying about finding a job…easy start applying for jobs Rather than worrying about the BF leaving me because I’m not good enough…that kind of crap just can’t fly. He’s given me no reason to think this and is actually rather amazing and really in love with me. Note to self – don’t mess that up! You see there is the worry that I can do something about and the worry that is just not constructive. The worry I can find solutions for and the worry I have to challenge myself on. It’s been good to start that list. It’s been cleansing and I feel a weight start to lift. Even if that is temporary, it feels good. The thing is I have been running from the things that make me feel better, the things that make everything clear. I hadn’t been working out because of an injury and that is when I sort so many things out. I hadn’t been writing because I was scared to unearth the whys of what I was going through. I’ve been scared of facing the music and I stayed hidden behind the excuses and the rationalizations. Maybe I needed that break from myself. I’m not going to beat myself up over it but I’m back now. I’m ready to deal. I’m ready to move on and be a happier person. I know that so much of me is a bundle of nervous energy. Worrying about others, worrying about how I impact the people around me, trying to be the best person I can be and not allowing for mistakes, being everything I think I should be and at the same time not really knowing who that is. I want to embrace my work in progress, I want to embrace the fact that not everything is in my control and in the end it will all be ok. I want to slow down, I want to enjoy this time in my life. I know I’m scared, that is a part of who I have been most of my life. But you can be scared and still make changes in your life. Change can be good, pushing out of your comfort zone is good. It can all be good. And sometimes it can be bad but you know what, I survived bad before and I’ll do it again. I have a survivor in me and if anything she has grown stronger. She will carry me through the rough times that will happen, that’s life and inevitable. But my worry will not keep it from coming. My worry will only make myself miserable and I’m tried of being my own worst enemy. So worry, know your days are limited. Your residency in my brain is going to be short lived. I will not worry my life away any more. I will get my shit together and focus my energy constructively. You only have this one life to live, why not live it the way you want. The way that makes you happy. The way that you will be proud of in the end. Part of that for me is stopping the anxiety and breathing deeply. It’s on my radar now, and when you get on my radar I go after you. Hard. Be prepared.

1 comment:

  1. Rock it girl! I know you've got this. I have been feeling abundantly blessed lately and I think something as simple as counting your blessings every day can help you realize all of the wonderful things you have and whatever will come, we just deal with it then. No need for self fulfilling prophecies. :) (Still trying to drill it through my head!)

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