My promise to myself...

I will never go back to how I was before I started on this journey.
There is so much about myself that I refuse to go back to…
The unhealthy eating.
The lack of movement.
The hating of myself.
The unhappiness, the never ending unhappiness.

I will never be that girl again. She was a good caring person, but so lost and angry. She had no idea where she was going, what she was doing and no direction. Once out of college she wandered around aimlessly, no purpose, no hopes, no plans. She had so many dreams but never thought they would ever come true. She didn’t believe in herself that much. And all that toxic negativity, never again. She hung on to old pain and let them define her. She was so angry and tired and sad.

Today I feel lighter then I ever have in my entire life. Not just in how much I weigh but emotionally. I have let go a lot of that negativity and pain and instead embraced the possibility of being happy. I have seen inside me and all the love I have to offer. I have seen a passion that was buried and suppressed. And I am finally able to let all of that out.

I had no idea that when I started out wanting to lose weight that I would come out the other end so much better. Emotionally healthier and physically healthier, I have seen a side of myself I never knew existed. I saw a strong and happy girl that could do anything she wanted. No one and nothing holding her back. A girl who finally got out of her own way and chose happiness. A girl who finally saw a beauty inside herself that she refused to deny it anymore. A girl who finally said enough to the abuse and allowed her true self to shine. A girl who finally saw she was enough, because she was finally enough for herself. I now know that my happiness is dependant on ME and me alone. I cannot and will not rely on others for that anymore. I know that my truth is mine and I will not let others tell me what I am or what I could be, anymore. I am who I say I am and that is no longer negative. I refuse to say anything bad about myself and refuse to let anyone else do that same.

By becoming a friend to myself I gained more insight and love for myself then I could ever have imagined. I refuse now to let any negative thoughts enter my mind and when they do (old habits die hard) I stop, take a deep breath, and think of something else. Soon enough that thought will float away and having given it no power, I can move on. I refuse to give power to those long held ‘truths’ anymore. I see now how wrong they have always been and I will not allow that in my life anymore.
I am enough. I am beautiful. And I found someone to love me. Just because someone spoke cruel words to you, doesn’t make them true. Only you can decide to make them true.

And now I can move on with my life in a way that is positive and hopeful. I know nothing can hold me back if I don’t let it and I am finally free. Free from the baggage and shame, free from the weight and self loathing, free from that sad little girl I used to be. Happiness is possible. You just have to find it in yourself.