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I am Buffy, I live in Iowa with my kitty cat Meowshine and stay rather busy trying to be healthy, eating right, working out, working my full-time job and running my own custom jewelry business on the side. Thanks for coming along for the ride :)



Monday, November 7, 2011

Single, eh?

Just because you're single and I'm single, that does not mean we should date. I wish my well meaning friends figured this out.
I had this conversation with a friend of mine that ran a race with me this weekend. Being single for the first time since I was in high school, there is a lot I'm figuring out along the way and this is one. People tend to view single people as less than, that they are missing out, some of them feel it is their duty to fix up their single friends with other single friends. Just because they are single, no other criteria needed.

For me after spending 10 years of my life in the relationship that I was in, there is no way I will ever be with someone just so I'm not alone. That thought never crossed my mind while I was married but I wonder if that had something to do with why I stuck in there so long. But future me, I want to be with someone I have something in common with, who is awesome and I like spending time with. Who is the best person I know, who has my back and I can be myself with. I have my certain likes and dislikes and those aren't taken into account. And if they are, they are very baseline (like oh you are a guy and like to run but we have nothing else in common).

I just feel like if people are going to try and do their match making on me that they actually consider who I am and what kind of guy would fit into my life. Here's an idea, maybe ask me what I want? I appreciate the sentiment but seriously. And it isn't like I asked either so I don't know why all of a sudden it has been a thing. I had this conversation not too long ago with my mom when she had the perfect guy for me. I asked her why he was perfect for me? She said well he's single and I stopped her. I said that is great and definitely the baseline for what I want (I got rid of one cheater, who needs another one?) but if that is all we have in common then I'm not going for that. Sorry if that makes me picky and makes me apt to be single forever, but I suppose that is the risk I'm willing to take.

I think for me I'm not willing to waste my time in a bad unfulfilling relationship ever again. It is a tricky thing because you have to be open but still have standards. You have to know what you want but be flexible. You have to get to know someone but still be able to see any red flags and proceed with caution. Or know when to call a red flag a fire and run the other way (which is sometimes easier but sometimes it can be hard). I suppose a lot of it comes down to going with your gut and hoping it doesn't guide you wrong. I hope I'm smart enough to truly listen to it and not let myself get distracted enough not to see it. I'll be cautious but hopeful. I hope I can do the relationship thing again but I suppose only time will tell. And I guess maybe all this comes down to my fear of not being able to trust myself still. That was a big one after the divorce, how could I not see that coming, how could I have picked someone who could do that, how could I have stuck it out for so long? How could I trust myself to pick someone better? I'm still scared that I can't trust myself but I hope that I have learned enough to choose different. But I have to try to see if I did...

2 comments:

  1. I must be one of the few people who like their friends single. I think it's the nurturer in me. I like to not have to pretend I like the person they've chosen as their soulmate. That can be a real wrench in a friendship when the other person is an annoying d-bag. You need to live closer to me! :)

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  2. Trusting myself to not pick poorly again has been a huge challenge. The best thing, though, is in just taking care of becoming the best you. At some point, the rest will come together. When you know yourself and your needs, wants, desires, dreams, you know better what you will accept in a partner. At least that is where I am in my now-single journey.

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